With / Without you

Sometimes I wonder what we’re really living for. They say that we face troubles and shit in life to make us stronger, but stronger for what? What exactly are we preparing for, what’s this big battle we’re living for to fight? I don’t get it because one day we’re just going to die anyway. Maybe there’s a greater purpose in life, in living, but I haven’t found it yet. I do hope I’ll find it soon though; I may be (relatively) young, but still…. It’d be nice to know what you’re living for, if not everything gets / feels so pointless.

~

Another sleepless night

For some reason, I can’t go to sleep. I went downstairs to get food and ate quite a bit omfg I’m going to stay fat. 😦 Hope I can stick to my “diet” and exercise omg I really suck.

I have been thinking quite a bit lately, but I have realised that thinking is pointless and an incredible waste of time but still, I can’t stop thinking – it’s a rather bad habit I’ve got. I think I think too much. About people, about life, worrying necessarily and unnecessarily, about things which barely matter or about things that mean a great deal. One scary thing is that sometimes I fail to judge whether something matters a lot or very little at all; and this bad judgement has led me to a few sticky situations.

//Sigh. I really wish & need the ability to read people’s minds, it’s annoying how people change emotions so quickly and expect me to be able to keep up with them; i’m just human too, if only they could understand

“Fill your mind with what’s important and leave out all the rest”

xxxxxx

 

Forever reign

Last week of school before the holidays, hope it’s going to be a good week and that holidays will be fine

Not really looking forward to the holidays as I’m going to be so busy and I realised I won’t even have a day to study, this and next week, and I am slowly realising that I am really really screwed for all my group projects, gg to me and my groups and my grades. 😦 Also, I haven’t packed for my expedition so I am feeling rather screwed for it.

On a brighter note – Went shopping with my mom for five hours today, it was really fun c: Had dim sum + Canele for lunch, good food + good company = :’) Bought alot of stuff though, >__< Came home feeling fat full lazy so I watched bridget jones’ diary. Oh gosh I really have to start packing soon.

Anyway, I don’t really feel like blogging all of a sudden anymore so bye.

x

S-e-c-r-e-t

I am so tired. And full, and annoyed, and I don’t know what else.

School’s been quite okay lately, though. I’m trying to absorb myself in lessons as much as I can to take my mind off things. I need to spend more time with my new boyfriend, aka my notes and my textbooks. Hahah.

We studied “The Voice” today in English, and I really love that poem and I love how I can identify with it so well at this point in time. Started on study questions and I got a little too carried away as I just wrote how I felt at that time and attempted to link it to the poem, and he was “impressed’ with it hahha. But those were basically all my feelings at that moment, and it was just amazing how I felt the same way as the poet did.

This is such a shitty post, about a shitty day. I hope tomorrow will be better, I desperately hope so. Going to run a long distance tomorrow, can’t take this bullshit.

xxxxxx

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Painting Flowers ❀

Slightly late, but better late than never – GOODBYE SEPTEMBER & HELLO OCTOBER.

The past few days have been slightly better than the start of the week had been; and ended September in a more positive way than I had imagined, so yay ☺ ☺ Went to Celeste’s (big beautiful) house on Friday with Ruru, Vicky, Debbie, Pao, Ben & Alex and it was really fun! ☺ Painted Ben & Pao’s nails and they were really pretty. Hahah  oh and we styled their hair too (though that was a bit fail). Pity they made us take the nail polish off by the end of the night, it was rather nice. (They) went swimming while me and Ruru watched / ate / took photos at the side because we had a visit from tom (?), HAHA. Spaghetti for dinner and sent Ben and Debbie home soon after, it was a good day.

They (I don’t know who ‘they’ are rawr) moved children’s day to the first Friday of October, so now children’s day isn’t on October 1 anymore! What a disappointment; part of my childrenhood (CHILDHOOD lol) was having children’s day on October 1st. Tentative plans to watch Abduction with Nicole and others, excite! ☺

Last night was a pretty bad night. Before I went to bed, I stayed up doing my homework (English + Chinese). Got extremely carried away by one English question as my gift for shifting topics took me from one point to another, and I ended up writing out all my feelings at that point in time in my blue english book, with a considerable number of expletives. Oops. Haha, I really needed + wanted to blog after that and it was like, 3AM but I couldn’t blog because I couldn’t find the computer charger, so I ended up lying on my bed thinking and thinking and texting Yeseul for a good part of the night. I have missed her so much, and it’s at times like those I am actually grateful to MGS because despite all the hell in it, I have found good, true friends whom I am incredibly thankful for and I don’t know what the fudge I would do without them. I feel like such an awful friend sometimes because I have such great friends who are always there for me but I don’t feel like I am there for them enough, and that feeling seriously sucks

So; stayed up till 545AM last night. It began to rain at around 3, and stopped around the time I fell asleep. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster, on my bed, that night. An emotional one. A million thoughts kept running through my mind ; and like a pendulum, I went from one extreme to another, though occasionally I hovered in the middle. Wanted to blog those thoughts down so badly but I couldn’t. Fix You, Somewhere Only We Know, and The Memory were on repeat for the whole night, I love those songs so much.

Time to go blog my thoughts in another post. #bye

Deadly

I really hate how people are so difficult to understand sometimes, I love the poem ‘Marrysong’, by Dennis Scott – I actually understand the poem and sympathize and can actually empathize with the narrator of the poem, something that doesn’t happen very often.

“Year after year, that territory, without seasons, shifted” / “All, all was each day new: the shadows of her love shortened or grew like trees seen from an unexpected hill” / So he accepted that geography, constantly strange. Wondered. Stayed home increasingly to find his way among the landscapes of her mind.”

~ ● ~

Today was a pretty slack day in school, I guess. Well, 3/4 spent in school, because we went to see the Terracotta Warriors exhibition at the ACM (Oh which reminds me, I have an essay to do about it -_-). It was pretty dry and the woman kept delaying us by saying there was “one more thing” to tell us, oh gosh. And this guy was tagging along with us for the (free) guided tour lul.

I actually bothered to do stuff in PE today! ^_^ Hehe and I ran, I actually ran 1.6km (lol though I came home and put all the calories back on sigh) and participated in captain’s ball hehe #proudkid. Legs are kind of aching now, though! Something happened after PE which made me really annoyed, pissed, and upset. I wish some people could be more sensitive and empathetic omg, but I guess they’re just a little too dumb and self-absorbed to realise. Like seriously, would you like it if someone was like that to you? And it’s something pretty sensitive, okay. If it was me I would have cut you by now. (Well obviously not but yeah). Insensitive bleeps.

K. Went to Novena + United Square after school with Max & Ruru! 🙂 It was fun, though I don’t know why but I felt kind of tired. Odd.. Haha. Walked around alot, hehe. Went home…..

I just baked, I am going to eat breakfast tomorrow morning. Or wait till night. Haaahhh. :’) Skyping with Faith, Nicole, Miura & Keith now! Hurhurhur.

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Together

Home from school, just had a shower! I feel incredibly refreshed rn, I love this feeling 🙂 Got to start on (math) homework soon! I find it funny how we only have to do one question and we’re given one week to do it (y). Oh and in math today, Mr ong was talking about his breakup with his ex-girlfriend, it was so funny – “I had a string of girlfriends after that” HAHAHA

Got back econs results today, I gues they’re OK but I got pulled down by one structured essay question, *sadface* And I heard that they did it before, or something like it before? Being the (kind-of) new girl sucks when it comes to stuff like this. 😦 Watched some movie in chinese, about Jay Chou and a piano – it was kind of boring yet amusing :c I hope the girl with the long hair dies in the end, she’s kinda annoying. Max hopes the short-haired girl dies, awwww.

Today was kind of blah.

xxxx

constellation

I will stop this major slacking from tomorrow onwards, yes I will. 😦 Hahaha another (mostly) wasted day; sigh. Need to resume studying tomorow, I really must.

Though I am so tired. Physically, mentally drained. I don’t even know why, or what it is I have been doing that has tired me out so much, but yeah. Maybe it’s just people. I am honestly so sick of people lately, idgi. I constantly find myself hating the world at random moments, and wishing that everyone else could just disappear. How incredibly selfish of me.

I wish I could read people’s minds / understand people better. This constant inability to “read between the lines” and the constant guessing and trying and hoping is really draining me, I hope things get better soon

xxxx

Waiting for something that won’t come.

Forever wishing I was smart / skinny / pretty / hardworking / happy / GOOD ENOUGH

I must learn to expect less

xxxx